14 Days, 14 Ways to the Best Sex Ever
By Dana Demas,
Ignite a slow burn - or a roaring fire - with these 14 tips.
Day 1: Get a sugar high.
Chocolate is good for your sex life! The sweet-tooth favorite may give you the same lusty endorphin boost as first-time lovers.
Women who ate chocolate every day had higher libidos, better arousal and were more satisfied with their sex lives than women who didn’t indulge, Italian researchers found in a 2006 study. Munch on 3.5 ounces of antioxidant-rich dark chocolate per day, and you’ll help your ticker too.
Day 2: Do your Kegels.
Improve your vaginal health and your “arousability” with Kegel exercises, named for Dr. Arthur Kegel, who introduced them in the 1940s.
It’s one of the easiest ways to improve vaginal tone, boost orgasm quality and bring blood to the entire pelvic region, which improves tissue health and lubrication.
Locate your pelvic muscles by stopping the flow of urine mid-stream. Squeeze and release them when you’re not in the bathroom. (Kegels done while urinating may lead to bladder infections and other problems.) Do three sets of 10 a day. For more on Kegels, click here.
“The genitals are no different than anywhere else in the body,” says Judith Florendo, a Chicago physical therapist specializing in pelvic floor dysfunction. The muscles act as a pump, bringing oxygen to the tissues and pushing toxins out, she says. You can do Kegels during sex, too. It creates more friction for you and your partner.
Day 3: Just do it.
Say ‘yes’ to sex more often (start tonight), says sexpert Laura Berman, Ph.D.
You’ll notice a greater sense of connection to your partner, which will make you want to have more sex.
Research shows that most women enjoy sex once they start having it, so say ‘yes’ even when you’re not in the mood.
Day 4: Laugh.
It’s great foreplay, no exertion required.
Several studies have found that laughter lights up the frontal lobe of the brain, which is associated with emotion. It increases blood pressure and heart rate too, mimicking the signs of arousal so you’re primed for better sex. Try reading a funny book or catch your favorite late-night show with your honey. Then turn out the lights.
Day 5: Visit Victoria.
Buy some beautiful lingerie for yourself. Choose something sexy. You’ll feel great secretly sporting a lacy thong and matching bra under your clothes. And anticipating his reaction to the ensemble will ignite a slow burn within you too.
Day 6: Rediscover the clitoris.
“It is very common for women to be unable to reach orgasm through intercourse alone,” says certified sex therapist Annette Demby.
You can feel orgasms in the vagina or all over the body, but it generally starts from the clitoris, she says.
Focus on stimulating the clitoris during foreplay and intercourse with your fingers – or his. If that doesn’t work, try a small vibrating bullet. It can fit between you and your partner during intercourse (so he’ll feel it too).
For more help priming for the 'big one,' check out Orgasms 101.
Day 7: Fantasize, solo or together.
Women who fantasize have more satisfying, rich sex lives. In fact, women who reported submission fantasies had more positive attitudes about sex, felt less guilty about sex and were more open to a variety of sexual experiences, according to a 1988 study by Canadian sex researchers Lisa Pelletier, Ph.D., and Edward Herold, Ph.D.
So tap into your dream life or, if you need help, read some erotica and see where your imagination takes you!
Day 8: Separate.
Too much togetherness often saps the passion right out sex, says sex therapist Esther Perel in her book, Mating in Captivity (HarperCollins).
Do your own thing for a couple of nights. Pursue an old hobby or explore an untapped interest – by yourself. It'll recharge your relationship.
Day 9: Be adventurous together.
The tried-and-true get results, but doing something new and even a little risky with your partner will give you a dose of the infatuation you had at the beginning of your relationship.
A sense of anxiety intensifies attraction between two people, psychologist Arthur Aron found in his 1974 relationship studies. So this Valentine’s Day skip dinner, and try rock climbing, bungee jumping or another thriller activity instead.
Day 10: Forgive.
People who forgive something hurtful from their past have better relationships and greater levels of commitment, research shows.
A 2001 study out of Hope College in Michigan found that those who forgave felt less negative, angry and out of control than those who held on to their hurt. Forgiveness may be the greatest gift of all – for your partner, your relationship and yourself.
Day 11: Masturbate for each other.
It’s the best way to show one another how you like to be stimulated. Long-term lovers can discover new sensations by pushing the boundaries and watching their partner touch themselves, says sex therapist P. Michele Sugg. And new couples can learn how to better turn each other on.
Day 12: Smell the roses.
You don't have to restrict fresh flowers for special occasions. They’re not just beautiful; they also act as an aromatherapy aphrodisiac.
There’s good reason roses symbolize love. They contain the natural chemical compound phenylethylamine (PEA), which has sexy, mood-altering effects. PEA gushes out of the brain when we fall in love, says sex researcher Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Why We Love (Owl Books). So sniff deeply for better sex and a better relationship. (Guys, here’s a hint: Surprise flowers are always a hit.)
Day 13: Take a mini-vacation.
Sometimes you need to get away to rediscover the sex goddess lurking within.
Vacations offer the chance to reconnect, with yourself and your partner. Less stress, better sleep and an escape from the routine and responsibilities can create the perfect atmosphere for more satisfying – and more frequent – sex.
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Day 14: Eyes wide open.
Keep your eyes open and locked on each other during sex, including when you orgasm, says sex therapist David Schnarch, Ph.D., in his book, Passionate Marriage (W.W. Norton & Company). You’ll tune into nuances in one another’s response, he says, and discover a new intensity that’s worth the uneasiness you may first feel!